To get you in the mood for firing up your old boombox for some oldschool cassingle loungroom blue light disco action, I’ve made a bit of a playlist up for everyone. It’s not so much my version of guest programming Rage as it is my version of programming Video Smash Hits on a saturday morning in 1994.
If you prefer to watch these in a row on your laptop while you have a bath or something, click here to play it as a YouTube video playlist.
1. Loudspeeka - Tomas Ford
This is why we’re here, really. It’s my fatter-than-yo-mamma cassingle rave-pop rap jam SMASH Loudspeeka. You can buy it on cassingle if you click this link - it’s only $10 and they look totally fucking gorgeous. Sorry for the hard sell, but a Brothers’ gotta eat.
2. Sing Hallejuliah - Dr. Alban
I guess you would say Dr. Alban’s sense of style has really informed mine. I guess you could say that, but please don’t. Ever.
3. What Is Love? - Haddaway
Don’t you love YouTube? “INJECTED WITH A POISON-ON-ON-ON…” and posting rips of awesomez HADDAWAY tunes! ZOMG, those guys must be so l333333T!
4. House Of Love - East 17
I really would like to go back in time so I could drop a pill at an East 17 gig. I imagine them to be a travelling boy band who played sets at acid house parties held in tents under british motorways and in forests, only getting through six minutes of tune-age before the cops shut them down. I imagine that, because any longer a set and they would probably have to play Deep.
5. Slave To The Music - Twenty 4 Seven
Oh my god. This song is so awesome. I got it on a free promo tape you could get from McDonalds. My rapping style is clearly very influenced by this guy: “I’m a party freak, and I really mean a freak! Every day of the week! I cannot live my life without jamming! That is why my life is so slamming!”
6. Love You Right - Euphoria
Australia’s gay house version of Milli Vanilli. The girl singing is just a model, I think the brunette is the one actually singing - I’m also pretty sure the blonde girl killed herself after it was revealed she wasn’t the actual singer. Must’ve been a bit of a headfuck. Actually, that makes them more like Australia’s gay house version of Nirvana. If only the music could live up to such a genre title. How could anything?
7. In Your Room - Toni Pearen
I bought this cassingle after watching Toni lipsynch this song on Hey Hey. It was a very minor Australian hit; musically it doesn’t fit with the other stuff here but I thought we needed a breather from the day-glo party action and it’s pretty funny that I actually owned this thing. The video is a prime example of the style I reference in my video clip. I like the breakdown in this too: she sings the worst lyric ever and then the dancer from the Brash And Sassy film clip arrives.
8. Girl’s Life - Girlfriend
If I was a girl when I was 13, I totally would have worn one of those huge wicca 90’s hats with a flower on it and had pillow fights with my friends at sleepovers in my citrus coloured jimmy-jams to this. And it would have been awesome.
8. Twilight Zone - 2 Unlimited
Early in my career, I would perform an electroclash version of No Limit. Which was great, but my favourite 2 Unlimited song was always Twilight Zone. I would go nuts when this dropped at Rockingham’s version of a Blue Light Disco, the Rocko Rage.
9. Anything - Culture Beat
Sure, I could have programmed Mr. Vain here, but I wanted to give you some reeeeeal deep cuts. You know what I’m talking about.
10. Pump Up The Jam - Techotronic
OK, fair enough. A crowd pleaser. Here it is. Obvious reference point for my video clip. Fucking awful song though, innit?
11. Shocked (Lets Get To It Tour) - Kylie Minogue feat. Jazzi P
Oh, you think you’re above Kylie Minogue? I dare you to watch this and not quake in your boots at the power of this tracks’ awesomeness. Actually, poor old Kyles is a bit flat. She usually is, but particularly so here. The rap though, that’s where it’s at.
12. Ladies First - Queen Latifah
I’ve kind of put this in here as a bit of a public service; Queen Latifah is someone who everyone thinks must’ve been a good rapper at some point but that’s mostly because nobody these days has heard her rap. Now you have and you know she shouldn’t do it.
13. Lucas With The Lid Off - Lucas
This clip blew my mind when it came out. It’s still pretty good. Not quite mind blowing. But good.
14. Treaty - Yothu Yindi
If you are not dancing around the room to this right now, you sicken me. This is the PARTY JAM.
15. Be My Lover - La Bouche
Another great euro-rap verse. You can’t fight the power of it, so don’t try. This song actually annoys the hell out of me, except for the awfultastic rap verses; I wonder if there’s an acapella floating around the internets for it.
16. Jump - The Movement
Nothing can top this; I once saw a woman lipsynch this while bouncing on a gym trampoline and it WAS AWESOME. That image has supplanted this video clip for me. She blew my mind. This song blows my mind. Strictly for the HARDCORE. AAARRREEE YOOOOOUUUUU REEEEADDDYYYY???
17. Hyper Hyper - Scooter
Actually, this tops Jump but I didn’t hear it until a few years ago. The background talking in Loudspeeka is basically my Scooter impersonation. “So beautiful to see your hands in the air! Put your hands in the air!” He is a classically awful euro-rapper on a level I may spend years trying to mimic. But try not to grin when you hear this track. Try not to throw your hands in the air, even if you’re driving or standing underneath low hanging electrical wire. You can’t help yourself.
Now scroll down to the next post, watch my clip again and, for the love of god, buy the fucking cassingle.
